Memory or Dream?

I read this article about a group of men confessing they were raped or sexually assaulted before. I find it hard to believe them but I chose to because rape is a sensitive topic and most people won’t lie/joke about it. The reason this article got my attention is because I MIGHT have been a victim also.

I remember when I was in Pre-school/Kinder our class was half-day so after lunch my mother and I takes our afternoon nap. One afternoon, my mom woke up earlier so I was alone in the small room we rented (Bed space. The house was owned and lived by a distant relative of ours). I remember one time an uncle living in the house came in the room and slightly lowered his pants. I was young and half-awake then that’s why the memory is blurry. The other incident was with a teenage boy who also lived in the house but he didn’t do anything, he just showed his private part.

There was no pain. I did not cry as far as I can remember. If I did my mom would have made fuss about it. That’s probably why dismissed it all as a dream. Not a nightmare because I wasn’t scared, hurt or traumatized. I did not like the thought of it but I think I didn’t see it as a bad thing because I was so young and innocent back then. However there were times when I remember that incident and telling myself it was a dream, I ask myself “Would a 5 or 6-year-old kid dream about something like that?”

I admit I have those kind of “sexual dreams” now because I admit I have watched porn, but at that young age is it possible to have that kind of dream.

As for memory, according to researchers we can remember as far back as 3.5 years old. i don’t if I can do than. I am considering this incident as memory when I realized that a person can easily forget his dream the moment he wakes up. If it is indeed a memory, then that’s probably why I am having problems with my sexuality now. Ever since I grew up, I have been awkward with boys and had more girl friends.

Is it a dream or a memory?

I don’t know and I don’t want to choose because whatever it was it’s all in past and I am the only one who knows it. (And you of course, but you don’t know me so it doesn’t count)


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