Birthday

We have each sunrise to tell us we have another day, a chance to live We have sunsets to tells us that each day ends and it may be the last so we have to live to the fullest. Make it count.

Just as we have birthdays to tell us we had a great year and hopefully given another full year to make it great. A chance to learn and mature.

Its never really about getting older.

I realize last night as I turn 21 that as you get older the compulsice need to celebrate on your birthday gets less and less appealing as you get older. In my opinion,  it’s not that I don’t want to celebrate, I just realized that I can celebrate life anytime regardless of the date.

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Nostalgic’s Wish

“Sometimes I wish the old times back, then I realize during that time I wished for this present as my future.”

When I was under the inevitable stress of college I always dreamed of finishing it and finally be free, having my time at my own hands. During those days when I have to study for 8 hours a day at school and at more than 4 hours of doing assignments or reports at home. I got fed up. And I know most, had the same sort of “trauma” most of my colleagues and friends saying they no longer want to pursue their Masterals or Medicine is evident of that.

Another instance is our business. For most of the year 2014 my parents have been thriving for our small business. Continuing it on a day to day basis. The profits paid for the debts. They no longer have salaries for themselves just to pay their employees right and on time. We no longer buy groceries at home we just buy food outside. They always prayed for the success of our business, and addition of another branch. And that prayer was answered the remaining quarter of this year. We got accepted to cater in a canteen for call center agent for 24 hours. We were given 1 year contract. Since we started business has been doing good. It’s actually amazing that countless prayers can be answered in a matter of minutes at the right time. Not only that we got more than whatbwe asked for. We were given another opportunity to cater another building.

Now that I got what I have, a graduate I can’t simply stay home. i have to work and earn money somehow. I may kot have the stress of academics but I have the stress of life, the real one. My parents on the other hand have a greater bracket for profit but also greater things to do. Since we operate for 24 hours they have little sleep. I also lack rest as I help them out. All of us seem to lack time to do the things we want.

We cannot complain because this is what we wanted. When we asked God for bread, he didn’t give us bread. He gave us what we needed to make bread and made us learn how to make it. He did not give us one bread but gave us a way to make more than one bread.

I just lack time for myself. It was awhile since I had this kind of rest. I really just miss it. Eventually I’ll be back to work or whatever I do like nothing happened.

So to those who are reading this by chance and have problems or stress that you want to get over it immediately….Don’t hate it so much because you’ll miss it someday…..savour it instead, do everything you can to deal with the reality you have so won’t have regrets in the future. And always be thankful for it, there are always bigger problems than what you have and this is an opportunity for you to expand your capacity to deal with problems and in the future, ready to face those “bigger problems”

Pillow

Another exhausting day is over. Tired of the mundane reality I currently live. One by one I put down the mask I wrote everyday. I finally rest in the comfort of my bed and hugged the huge pillow tightly, slowly loosening my hug. I close my eyes and imagine you are the pillow. My escape from reality.

After a while I break down realizing that this will never happen. This pillow will never be your shoulders soaked by my tears. This pillow will never have the sound of your heart. This pillow doesn’t breathe. And this pillow has no warmth.

Yet I remain hugging it like as if it were you. It might not be you in reality but I always hope that when I start to dream…..when I open my eyes in that dream….the person I am hugging is you.

Simply Priceless

After having a few months of from studying anything related to medicine and delving into the field of business I can’t help but differentiate the two. One of the must critical difference between the two is regarding the matter of needing and being needed.

“In medical service, the patient need me. In business, I need customers.”

That’s probably the reason I lost some enthusiasm in managing our family business lately. Then add some unruly customers who prefers to be pleased than say please. I’d rather reserve my service or the best kind of service to those who need it and will appreciate it. Their number might only be small but their impatience is quite unreasonable. I understand their demands if they are sick or in pain, but no that wasn’t their situation.

Anyway, let’s just say I’m not the business type. I do sell things sometimes but I make sure that it’s worth their money, even if I get only a little profit from it. Fit some reason,  I find happiness in the happiness of others, glad to ease some of their inconvenience and happy to be of service. I feel happy when they say thank you,  it wasn’t painful or I like the food you prepared for us yesterday.

Now that is something money can’t buy. Can anybody quantify how much comfort a patient gets with proper care? How about how much each sincere thank you every patient gives after he/she gets well? Yes, every drug in the market has a monetary value but can anybody quantify the effort in making those drugs,  improving them?  The effort of thinking the best drug out of thousands of drugs to be prescribed for a patient. Not to mention anxious feeling of what possible side effect it could cause to the patient? I admit not all medical personnel are like this but that doesn’t mean they are all heartless. They might be numbered by deaths they have seen in front of them, crying families and stone where in their past, might even have blamed themselves.

No one can pay for that just as how good it feels to see the patient recovering. Saving a life not playing it with your hands. Always remember that life is priceless.

In this chosen field I may not see the progress of my achievements in figures, I might be a slave to the demand and be in service of those who are in need but I believe I will be glad to be of service everytime someone says Thank you.

Fulfillment only people like me  can experience.

Scripted

I’ve always found this ability amusing. Directing the conversation to or away from a particular topic without the other person knowing it. OR, knowing what to say in every response of the person I am talking to or having an argument with. I’ve  mentioned before that I thinking is one of my ways to kill time and one of the things I think about is this, KNOWING WHAT TO SAY. Having a response whether verbal or non verbal I think about it during this time. Especially when presented with a particular life stimulus (like being pissed off or someone started an argument with me) at time like this the shortest and most concise and probably the more sarcastic reply is the best response. It became a hobby of mine and sometimes I got so carried away that I deliver the lines out lout or make faces suddenly…….and maybe that’s why my friends call me crazy, but they know they know I am the last person they should mess with.

Anyway one of my examples (a rather old one) is if someone ask about my sexuality.

Someone: ” are you gay?”

Brain: “does it really matter?”

Someone: Yes ( a No answer here is rather stupid but either way it will lead to the situation presented in my brain’s next reply)

Brain: “Whether I answer yes or no, the truth or a lie, it will depend on what you believe in. If I tell you No, having a gay first impression on me, of course you’ll think I’m lying (which would be true) since you wouldn’t ask an obvious straightvguy if he’s gay, right? Unless you find something gay about him. If I answer yes, you’ll think I’m joking even though that is the truth.

“Your choice. Your opinion. I’ll respect that, but that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s the truth.”

🙂

Spring in winter

I can feel the plane descending. The engine seem to get less noisy. The lovely stewardess informed us that we’re about to land, the time is 9:37 am (about 6 hours ahead from where I came from), quite chilly outside and slightly cloudy. My heart is unstable as the rough landing of the plane.

A new chapter in my life….I wonder how this one will begin. It all depends on that person.

After 3 years I got my life together. I studied for the international certification and finally got it. Renewed my expired passport and got my visa. I am all set. I came out just a few weeks before this flight. They did not accept it well. I don’t blame them. I hold no grudge against them nor do I regret anything. I’ve prepared for this and waited for this moment for the years I’ve known all along. I’ll go back to them when they are ready.

In a few minutes I can finally see Nate. A friend I made through a dating site I joined purely out of curiosity and well for the sake of making friends who were not after sex. He’s thoughtful and never seem to run out of ideas to talk about. We’d chat for hours. I was actually surprised that I already found someone to talk to on my first try. We exchanged messages, sharing our day to day activities. Last week I told him that I got a job at Denmark, the country he is currently living. He simply said “I can’t wait to meet you.” and logged out. We have not spoken to each other since then.

The other passengers started to stand and get their things lining up to the nearest exit. My hands trembles as I reach for my hand carry and walk towards the exit one step at a time. After all the meticulous process of Copenhagen airport, I’m finally on my way out. I passed by a few people holding a bond paper with names or iPads with names. I quickly scanned through them and none had my name on it. I chuckled silently when I found how absurd it is to expect Nate to come when he didn’t even say he’d wait at the airport he just said he can’t wait to meet me.

After a long walk through the lobby, I saw him. Looking at me with a grin on his face. Before I knew it my eyes started to fill with tears. Before they even feel he hugged me tight. In such a cold country, i finally felt warmth. He loosened up and held my shoulders and kissed me on my lips for a few seconds then looks at my eyes and said

“FYI, I don’t welcome ordinary people like that. But you aren’t ordinary, are you?

Speechless. We were like the tiny spot of spring amidst the winter season.