An Eye for an Eye

A tooth for a tooth, an eye for an eye.

I’ve heard this concept in history class during my elementary and high school. This was the concept of justice among early inhabitants of the country and indigenous tribes. In school it was viewed in a barbaric way and nowhere near justice. Even I almost believed it that way. Until now,  I realized that it was better than what we are having today. When justice is served to the wrong people or not being served at all.

This idea may be temporary,  it is an idea nonetheless. An idea formed because of the cruel skating of more than 40 members of SAF in the Philippine. I sympathize to the family, and feel a great deal of anger to those who caused their death. I felt sad because some of these heroes were young, starting a family, or just beginning to bring honor to their family and they just perished without much of a fight. How will they get justice? Is simply catching the culprit enough?

I thought of this for a while and might have shared it somewhere that those who take away the rights of others must be deprived of the same right they took. The idea is not that far from the concept of justice of tribes, only minor changes are made. In recent incidents of the country, huge or small crimes, the only people capable of using their rights are the accused. If someone is about to steal, he must be prepared to be robbed. Is someone is aboutto kill, he must be prepared to be killed.

There are so many questions in this terrible crime that are still left unanswered. And i hope it will be answered before it will be forgotten because another problem will come along.(which is usually the case).

Death. The fear of dying unexpectedly is something most of us share. I know it is not a widely accepted method of implementing laws. And death penalty is a condemned capital punishment at present. But a person who does not fear death and causes the death of other people for self gain or whatever reason (well, technically there really is no good reason to take someone’s life thus I am now contradicting myself) is simply an abomination.

But even if death penalty is back, nothing will change unless the right people have the power and the system is swept clean and more efficient. Otherwise it will just be a meaningless massacre of innocent people charged of a crime powerful people committed.

I believe those people who died also wished for a better world that is why they were there and doing their job. But the thing is, we only get that wish after we die.

It’s either….
We wish for this world to get better, but forgets to say we have to live in it
Or we wish for a better world, but that better world is not the one we are living in.



A week ago Pope Francis arrived in the country and four days since he left. A week ago, I watched him smile and wave while giving is blessings to the crows. Every time I see him do so I get chills, goosebumps. Especially when he randomly picks someone in the crowd, kisses them or hugs them, I just have this sudden urge to cry. But I got that effect only by watching him at our living room, in front of the television. I held the tears back and simply shaked the goosebumps off.

My family decided to go to Manila to attend his last mass on Sunday at the Quirino Grandstand. It’s really a bit of an impulse trip, as my parents have regular jobs and I am on my review. Anyway, this is an opportunity to see the Pope without going to Vatican. We were not even sure if we will be able to catch even a glimpse of him if he pass by. Or even get a good position. It was all uncertain. It was unplanned. Or is it?

We woke up  at 5 in the morning, too late compared to the thousands or even millions who camped outside the venue. We arrived at the intersection before Manila Hotel, only to find out we have to go to another entrance, way too far from where we are. Suddenly, a nun my father knew from a convent he served food at a discounted price was there volunteering as a human barricade. She convinced the police to let us enter. She told them we were part of their group. The police obliged and let us pass. We were so relieved we were able to enter before the crowd thickened. We got into the grandstand and quite near the stage but we are in the pathway, a temporary position because the Pope mobile has to through it so they will make us leave eventually. UNTIL, my parents saw the seminarians they adopted, they have access in the quadrant for the nuns and seminarians. They were kind  enough to (again) say we were their guardians. In the end we got to stay in the quadrant that is quite near the stage. We were able to get some rest before it rained. That rain was actually a blessing.

During the homily, when the Pope said the we should learn how to cry I suddenly started to sob so hard. I was crying and it was not for no reason. I was crying for all those time I held back the tears. There were numerous reasons for crying that I can no longer identify them. I sobbed even more when everyone sang “Tell the World of his Love”

When the mass was over the Pope rode the mobile again. Luckily, He passed near our quadrant. Ignoring the cold pouring rain I raised my hand, holding a handkerchief and a box of pencils for my exam. I saw him turn to our direction. and again I cried. Tears flow from my eyes down to my cheeks along with the rain.

It was a memorable day. A proud feeling of being with the 6 million people. His presence was different from what you see through the television. Multiply that until it will make you cry instantly.

It made me simply feel loved. Loved regardless of who I am and what I did and did not do. I felt loved like a stranger, yet like a friend. Loving a stranger and loving someone truly is not really different after all. Love for  a stranger is pure because you don’t know anything about that person technically speaking you love someone because you simply have no reason to hate them. True love is the same in a way, even though you know reasons not to love them but still chose to because you accepted those reasons.

Invisible Hug

There were times when I feel a sudden warmth on my body, similar to those you feel when you get a tight hug for a long time. Instead of getting creeped out, I always think about you. Because I know you’re the only person I want to hug but couldn’t. Again I am reduced to this sensory hallucination of us hugging.

I close my eyes and immerse myself to that wishful thinking

I imagine I rest my head on your broad shoulders, my arms under yours gently caressing your back, I can hear you breathe your heart beating. I can feel your breath brushing my nape, your arms around my back, your body pressed against mine beating the cold weather.

Our warm hug starts to loosen. You slowly free me from your arms. I finally feel cold again, until it wakes me up. I open my eyes and you vanished into thin air.

I miss you so much. So much that despite not being able to do this with you forever.
I miss you so much. Even if each moment I remember you, you might forget my name, my face or the memory of meeting me.
I miss you even if I call out your name like a friend and you see me as a stranger.

I miss you. Seeing you by chance is great, I would be satisfied.

Missing you too much hurts but I would rather miss you and feel the pain than unloving you and feel empty.

Believe. It is Possible

Believe it is possible.
Believe. It is possible.

Is it just me who found some difference between the 2 statements? After killing some time with thinking I suddenly thought of it.

How do I put it….uh. the first statement comes out as a suggestion compared to the seconds statements sounding more of a command. In the first statement the is a possibility of impossibility despite believing while in the second statement it is certain that it is possible.

What is possible? Anything. It could be your dreams, faith, and other things that you are not certain of simply because majority of the people around you doesn’t believe in the possibility.

There is not much to lose when believing, especially on yourself

When You are born Handsome

(obviously not about me)

I always had this thought everytime I am out observing other people to kill time.
Not that I perceive myself as ugly, ratherI just find or notice the beautiful aspects of other people better than mine.

Ooh, I like that goofy smile, the way those lips curve, that smooth and soft blemish free face, that slightly pale skin tone, that perfectly symmetrical nose, those squinty brown eyes or slightly big round eyes….etc.

Almost all the time I can see something nice from a person. One of the most common is in terms (forgive me for this) is body shape. I am aware that there certain issues regarding social standards on weight but I admit I am not comfortable with my body type and had been trying to get slimmer and fit. It’s more of a personal standard or goal to have the body type I admire from others. Like a not so obvious silhouette of the chest when wearing a shirt, a visible clavicle, that perfect v shape body, that curve the back makes when on 3/4  view, a barely noticeable belly while sitting.

These may sound like insecurities but for me they remain as goals. Difference? You have insecurities if you do nothing about it,  otherwise you have goals.

On the other hand, after noticingsome thing beutiful from a person, the next question I ask myself is “Does he or she know what I find beautiful in him or her?” I ask this often, especially upon seeing someone who I find beautiful and 90% of the population will agree with me. Because most of the time these people don’t know it and even have insecurities. Yes, nobody is made perfect, everyone may have imperfections but that doesn’t mean you are a mistake.

I’m going to be brutally honest. Nobody is really going to be contented with what they have so it really is useless to tell “be contented” it’s human nature to have endless wishes even after death. Instead, always keep in mind that you have to continually work for what you think is for the better. That is not being greedy, unless you decide to get what you want at the expense of others.