I bought 4 fishes for my aquarium a few months ago. While feeding them awhile ago, I felt like I was living like them for more than a month now.

They swim in their 12 inch long aquarium. I walk around in our apartment.
I feed them after I eat. They just swim their days out. Not a single one of them bored (as if I can prove that) or just stay in one place. They just swim.

I’m like these fishes. I don’t even know what they are. I bought them for 10 php each in a nameless aquarium. I bought them because they were cheap and my four year old goldfish (a gift) died of unknown cause. I have to use the aquarium and fishes are quite relaxing.

Why don’t we cry when our pet fish die? When other pets die such as dogs and cats, we cry our hearts out but when it comes to fishes, we can let go of them without even shedding a tear. Probably because they live in an aquarium. You cannot pet a fish, hug it, and take it out for a walk. Fishes do not poop on your carpet, they don’t bark or purr and they do not chew your slippers.

It may seem illogical for a person to take care of something without getting much from it. I clean their aquarium. I buy their food. I keep them alive and what do I get? I can watch their graceful dance under a dim light that makes me sleepy. They swim to my direction when they see me (or maybe they’re waiting for me to feed them).

For  more than a month I live like them.In an aquarium called home. With people who takes care of me called parents.I give them dances called chores. When they arrive, beds folded, dishes washed, swept floors, cooked rice and food, and clothes neatly folded in the closet.

I am not a fish. I will not stay in this aquarium forever. My value cannot be expressed in money. I am not nameless, I have my own identity. When I die, I cannot be replaced.

The only difference between me and those fishes is their number. The four of them have each other while I just have myself.


#42815 Hallway

4 years ago, una kitang nakita. Pagod ako noong araw na iyon kahit. Malayo ang nilakad ko at andami ko pang dala. Naupo ako sa floor para magpahinga, at maglaro na rin ng PSP habang hinihintay makapasok sa classroom. Ikaw ang unang lumabas sa klase niyo, pero naghintay ka sa tabi nang pintuan at nagtetext. Sa hindi malamang dahilan, nakuha mo ang mga mata ko. Totoo pala ang sabi nila na babagal ang paligid “SLOW-Motion” kumbaga…..titigil ang oras.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit ako natamaan sa’yo. Simula noon gusto na kita makita. Kahit isang sulyap lang masaya na ako. Isang sulyap lang, mawawala ang pagod ko.


Exterior. Burnham Park. Walkway paikot ng Burnham Lake. Hapon

Naglalakad ang dalawang magkaibigan paikot ng Lake. Hindi pinapansin ang mga nag-aalok ng Boat ride.

J: “Naalala mo ba yung International Licensure exam para maka work tayo sa Australia?”
M: “Oo, bakit?”

Ngumisi si J kay M.

J:”Nakapasa ako eh!”
M: “Weh di nga?”
J:”Seryoso ako!”

Mahinang sinuntok ni J si M sa braso nito.

M: “Oo na. Libre ko?”

Biglang tumahimik si J at bakas sa reaksyon niya ang pagkaseryoso.

J:”Bukas na ako bababa ng Manila. Bukas ng gabi na rin ako flight ko. Pero…”

Nabura ang ngiti ni M sa kanyang mukha at hindi na muna ito nagsalita.

J: “Pero….Bago sana ako umalis may gusto akong sabihin sa’yo….”

Napatingin si M sa kaibigan nito at napansin na huminga si J ng malalim.

Continue reading “Fountain”

Wishful Thinking

“You have three wishes. But I am not God can grant every wish, so there are boundaries. First, I can’t give life therefore no resurrections, immortality or dancing teacups. Second, I can’t make anyone fall in love. Falling in love is spontaneous, bending the will of another is not spontaneous. Third, wishing for more more wishes will be counted as one wish but will not be granted, so don’t even try. Other than that, say the magic word.”

“I wish for…..”

Continue reading “Wishful Thinking”


(Note: Coffee. I am drinking more than, let’s say, a cup after weeks of not having one at all. Just to start up my rusting creative gears after weeks of not using them at all.)

So here’s the title “Countdown” all about. What if we are born knowing when we will depart? Like we don’t celebrate our birthdays as they years we have lived, but the years we have left. Like if someone is destined to live for 52 years, then on his supposedly 1st birthday he will be celebrating the 51 years left. Therefore, age will depend on the number of years left instead of the number of years lived.

Continue reading “Countdown”

Past Tracks

Cold breeze through the open window of the taxi numbs my cheeks. It’s 11 o’clock in the evening. The warm orange light of street lamps illuminates the empty street of Baguio CIty. I listen to my tunes while the taxi driver steps on the gas making the usual 20 minute travel time from our house to where I work only 5-10m minutes. Barely finishing 3 songs, I get off the taxi and my night begins.

Continue reading “Past Tracks”

2:49 AM

One day you will wake up, not wanting to live like this anymore. Waking up at 1 o’clock in the afternoon. Eating what supposed to be your breakfast at 3 pm. Channel surfing for an hour. Episode marathon of the series you are currently interested in. Cooking dinner at 9 pm. Getting ready for bed, not for sleeping but for queuing your downloads, playing candy crush until you run out of lives, reading books and having thoughts, dreams or ideas that you can do tomorrow (technically, later).

Those dreams or thoughts of what do and when to do it remains a dream after waking up and you end up doing the same thing everyday. One day you will wake up.

Continue reading “2:49 AM”