I mentioned a few days ago I was processing my documents. Those documents were for my job applications. Yes, finally I applied to what I want to do. I had my demo teaching yesterday for a Faculty position and just awhile ago had my demo for a laboratory assistant.
About the demo yesterday, it was nerve-wrecking. I haven’t memorized or mastered my topic yet and had to look at my notes in the middle of the discussion. My confidence level plunged, i was so disappointed with myself. So I ate some comfort food(cheeseburger and fries). That afternoon when I went home, I suddenly want to just go back to out family business just like before. But then it reminded me of the shepherd boy of my favorite book (The Alchemist). If I remember correctly, there was a point in his journey that he wanted to go back to his flock and live the way he used to. He felt regret when he was robbed in the chaos of the market place. He just laid there empty handed and could no longer return to what he used to do. I think I am in that particular scenario right now or could immensely relate to it. I had to use my savings to process my documents so I am quite low in funda right now. I have to walk back and forth from places to process my requirements, have to embarass myself in front of a group of people and such. Those discouraging events.
So if I can’t be an instructor, i should try out a job where I can be trained as a teacher. The head offered me a job as an assistant (the job which I actually applied for). And this morning had a demo for it. I could say the job is much lighter, comfortable for me at this early stage. I can observe the theaching styles of my professors and hopefully can learn from them.
So far, I will continue doing this. Again, I tell myself, nothing is easy. If one of my potential employers will call, that will be the point of no return. If I get hired as a faculty, it will be difficult but I have to make a way to make it work. If I get hired as an assistant, i have to take that opportunity to learn as much as I can. If I get none…..
Like the shepherd boy laying at market place early in the morning, stand up and accept that I have to move forward somehow. And trust there is a plan for me.
That the universe will conspire to achieve my dreams.