Can you be…

… the soft hair I want my fingers to pass through?

…the forehead lips would love to kiss?

…the eyes reflecting  my face?

…the nose the loves to touch my nose?

…the cheeks I’d eagerly pinch?

…the lips I want to kiss?

…the neck I’d put my arms around?

…the shoulder I’d rest my head on?

…the arms that wraps around me?

…the body I can get warmth from during a cold day?

….the hand hands that hold mine?

…the legs that synchronizes with mine when we walk and you put over me when we sleep?

Can you be mine and I’ll be yours?

Can we just be “meant to be?”

I hope I’ll meet you soon, because the longer I wait I feel more hopeless and you become more fictional.

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Saint or Sinner? Neither.

The thing is the manner we convince people. We believe they’ll choose based on the concept that our cause is good and the others are bad. People like me can’t stand such bigotry. That an existence can be purely made of evil or unbelievably made up of goodness. 

It is clear that we are imperfect beings. We have committed mistakes and correct choices along the way. We can be good and bad. Nobody can be purely good or evil. Nobody can believe two truths at the same time.

How do you convince people about your cause? Give them the truth they seek. The truth that isn’t to evil that it sounds hateful or too good to be the truth.

All I know is that the truth consists of something good and something bad. Why am I sure of that? Because if it weren’t we won’t have two groups arguing today.

If you want unity, don’t discredit each other, rather understand one another believing there is some truth in what they say. It is unfortunate that we find the former easier to do that the latter. That by proving the argument of the other as false, that would mean ours is the truth.

So my stand on the current issue, is neither. Call me uneducated, unaware and passive. I won’t mind. I recognize parts of the truth behind each side. What I hope for is understanding between the two, to “revise” our history in a manner that everyone will recognize as the truth.

He is dead. And isn’t it our nature to remember the good in the person who died, or have your hatred taken your humanity?

Go after the living. His cronies are still alive. Yell for their conviction. Fight like revolutionaries did when he is still alive. I am quite sure no one works alone. With the crimes you accuse him of, he could not have done it alone. 

As the president have said “Let history judge…”

That Person

“We all have that one person whom we love so much but chose not to tell them.”

Yes we do. We believe it is the best. And so far it is.

Even if at the beginning we experience heartaches as we try to let our feelings go without letting go of the person. If we can tear our soul apart, this must be how it felt. 

This person is part of our everyfay life. Everyday is a chance to let them know or let them feel we love them but we choose to limit ourselves instead. There is so much we can do, but our fear that they might know scares the crap out of us. Stopping yourself what you want to do the most is like strangling your heart and slowly killing yourself.

We want to make this person happy, smile or feel better in general. We try to make them laugh at the expense of embarassing ourselves in front of this person. We try our best to lift their spirits up at the expense of our time. We put everything aside when they need help or ask for a favor. We encourage them to become the best that they can be.

When they have problems in love. It felt like salt rubbed in our wounds yet we advise them to continue pursuing “the one” they are looking for. Because the sight of their happiness, nulls the pain of knowing they can’t be with us.

But this is how it is meant to be.

This is unconditional love. Loving someone without expecting -anything in return.

We chose not to tell. Because clearly there is no point in telling. We don’t want to tell this person in the hope that when they find out we love them they will see the sincerity behind it. They will know we love them not because they saw or heard it but because they felt it. They will feel it when we’re gone and they will long for it.

P.S. If ever you are reading this, I didn’t mean observe or tease you. It just reminded me of something and someone in the past. I know how it felt like, and certainly I won’t compromise it.

Ssssh.

Sa tinagal-tagal kong mag-isa, kaya ko nang sagutin ang sariling kong mga tanong.

Minsan hindi na ako nakakapagsalita dahil alam ko na na hindi na kailangan. Wala naman makakarinig, ako rin lang ang gagawa o sasagot.

Wala dapat problema kung ganon. Nakakatayo ako sa sariling paa, may paninidrigan sa desisyon. Independent kung baga….

Pero umabot ako sa punto na ako mismo hindi ko nangugustuhan yung mga sagot ko sa sarili kong mga tanong.

Na sana may taong sasagot ng iba. Mas magaan sa damdamin at hindi masakit.

Yun lang naman. Kahit lang minsan, sana may magtanong kung anong feeling maging katulad ko.

Ayoko na.

Malamang lahat tayo nasabi na yan. Baka pagkatapos mong mabusog sa naparaming handa noong piyesta or noche buena o noong sadyang pagod ka na sa trabaho. 

“Ayaw ko na.”

Pagkatapos natin sabihin ito sa sarili natin o kung sino man ang kasama natin, hihinto tayo sa kung ano man ang inaayawan natin. Marahil pagkain o yung dating gustung-gusto natin pero ngayon ayaw na. 

“Ayaw ko na.”

Ayaw mo na dahil okay na, sapat na, satisfied ka na or pagod ka na. Ayaw mo na dahil naubos na ang pasensya mo, napagod ka na maghintay. Ayaw mo na. Ibig bang sabihin sumusuko ka na? Pwedeng Oo, pwedeng hinde.

“Ayaw ko na.”

Sa mga katagang yan, naguumpisa ang katapusan ng isang bagay. Napagod ka na at sumusuko ka na. Hindi na ito nagbibigay ng fulfillment o kaligayahan katulad ng dati. Minsan nagdudulot na ito ng stress o kalungkutan. Kaya siguro ITITIGIL MO NA. 

Ngunit hindi natatapos dyan ang kwento mo. Tinapos mo lang ang isang kabanata, hindi ang buong libro ng buhay mo.

Kaya laging tandaan.

Lahat ng bagong panimula naguumpisa sa “Ayoko na.”

Alamin kung kailan mo ipaglalaban o isusuko ang isang bagay; ang dahilan para ipaglaban o isuko ang isang bagay; ang epekto sayo kung ipaglalaban or isusuko mo ito.

Para sa huli. Pagsinabi mong “Ayoko na.”

AYAW MO NA.