Jouska – n. a hypothetical conversation that you compulsively play out in your head—a crisp analysis, a cathartic dialogue, a devastating comeback—which serves as a kind of psychological batting cage where you can connect more deeply with people than in the small ball of everyday life, which is a frustratingly cautious game of change-up pitches, sacrifice bunts, and intentional walks.
You know I like you. If I was able to do that, I don’t have remain anonymous anymore. I can invite you to dinner, watch movies or a a date in general whenever I want to.
You once told everyone you don’t see yourself being in a relationship at the moment. That you want to focuse on your studies, career and yourself in general. I respect that so I had set my limits. I am continously swallowing the truth that the closest thing we can have between us is friendship….not even a deep one.
So please if you think I asked that question, reconsider my side. I lost the possible future with you, I don’t want to lose what I have with you at the moment, no matter how small or shallow that is.
I want to fall in love with a photographer. Someone who will place me at the center of the picture. Capturing the most candid shot. In every picture I want to see my happiness frozen, my laughter heard, my dreams visualize and my soul glowing through my eyes. I want a photographer who places the sunsets, mountain ranges, the seas, the night skies, the constellations and the busy city behind me, blurred and out of focus. I want someone who will see me as someone who will make his picture unique, more beautiful and better than other pictures in the world.
I want to fall in love with a photographer.
I want someone to look at me the way I look at everyone else.
Because I was once a photographer and I want to know how it feels like to be in the picture.
Sapat na. na makita ka tuwing umaga
Nakangiting bumabati, puno ng saya
Kahit hindi para sa akin kundi sa kanya
Sapat na, basta makita kang maligaya
Sapat na, sa ating katiting na usapan
Tila ang segundo ay walang hanggan
Mga salitang tila walang katuturan
Sapat na, basta ika’y mapakinggan
Sapat na, na alam mong nandito ako
Nabubuhay, tumitibok ang puso
Humihinga, dumadaloy ang dugo
Sapat na, hanggang dito na lang ako
Sapat na, nasabi kong mahal kita
Kahit konting pagtingin sakin wala ka
Hiling ko na manahanap mo na siya
Sapat na, hiling ko na mahal ka din niya
Sapat na, na tayo’s pinagtagpo ng panahon
Ngunit hindi nabigyan ng pagkakataon
Lilipas ang araw, linggo, buwan at taon
Sapat na, isa ka na lamang alaala
Sapat na ubusin ko ang nararamdaman sa iyo
Sa halip na ubusin ang sarili ko para sa iyo
Mananatili sa aking puso na “Minahal Kita”
Sapat na, kailangan ko na “Magmahal” nang iba
“The problem with you is that you give up too easily.” They said.
“Once upon a time I chose to keep trying, even beyond the belief that its not worth it. Only realize my efforts are misplaced.” I replied