Hindi mo naman kasalanan na nag-expect ako sa’yo at nadismaya ako.
I just got tired. Tired of not being chosen. Being the back-up or the last resort. I’m tired of being left. It may not be entirely true and I’m just working around my own assumption. But that’s how I felt.
And I used to be fine with that.
I just realized that I shouldn’t be. Thank you for showing it to me.
It took me 2-3 days of waking up with tears in my eyes, looking at one corner of the room and asking myself ” Why do I have to feel this way?”
I used to be fine with it. But for some reason,it’s starting to bother me.
I’m not mad. (Well I was irritated last friday and saturday).
But right now I just feel grateful.
For the frustration, the loneliness etc.
Because I realized, I do deserve to be chosen. To be thought of. To be concerned of. To be someone’s first choice. To be someone’s only plan. I deserve someone who is willing to wait. Can live with my silence, not bored with it.
I expected things from you and you failed to deliver. It’s not your fault because you weren’t aware, it’s not my fault for not being the person you want to give what I expected from you. It’s just a simple mismatch.
We were looking for someone from each other and failed to find them. We got disappointed from each other.
I cannot force myself in place where I feel like I’m not wanted. At the same time, I cannot assume that I’m always wanted.
I didn’t say a word. I stopped asking. I stopped trying. I got tired and wanted to find-out if you’d even try to approach me or initiate a conversation. But no, having no feedback at all frustrated me.
I can be scary, intimidating or a drama queen. But I will easily yield to any conversation starter said in such innocent tone.
That even if my heart grew distant, I’ll hear a voice that would pull it back near you. Feeling the warmth.
But anyway, so much for the expectation I demanded without even trying to provide to others what I demand.
I am a disappointment as well. I’m sorry.
Through this experience, I learned that though I may feel like I’m the most difficult person to love, I’m actually not. I just haven’t found someone who will make me feel otherwise.
Thank you so much. It was a difficult but fulfilling experience.
You’ll always be my friends.