Crossing

EXTERNAL. Lower Session Road. Pedestrian Lane sa tapat ng PNB

Kakaturn lang ng stoplight to red. Napatingin si L kay C at napansin nitong ilang araw nang matamlay ito.

L
Okay ka lang?

C
Hinde.

L
Bakit?

C
Hindi ko lang maiwasan isipin yung araw na nagkakilala tayo.
Yung araw na nagsimula tayon maging friends.

L
Ang drama nito. Ano bang problema?

C
Hindi lang ako mapalagay.

L
Di ba sinabi ko naman sayo na okay tayo, we’re still friends naman.

Nag-green na ang stoplight, at tumawid na ang dalawa. Habang tumatawid

C
Oo, alam ko naman yon pero napapansin ko lang yung changes na nakikita ko.
May topak din naman ako. Nakakaoffend ako kung minsan. Clingy.
Nareach ko na yung point na hindi ko nakinukumpara kung paano ka maki-interact sakin at maki-interact sa iba eh… I’m starting to compare how we used to be and how we are now. And dun ako nalulungkot… sobra.

L
It’s part of change kase, you can’t expect everything will remain the same. For us naman, nothing changed. Feel ko namimiss mo lang talaga kame.

Second Pedestrian Lane. Sa gilig ng pang-apat na Jollibee along Session Road.

C
Kaya nga naguguluhan din talaga ako. Siguro nga namimiss ko lang kayo. Afterall, nasanay na kasi akong kasama ko kayo. Bago ko kayo nakilala, kaya kong mag-kape mag-isa, manood ng sine mag-isa, kumain mag-isa at gumala mag-isa. Dati wala akong iniisip except isipin kung kelan ba ako magkakaboyfriend or magkakadate man lang. Hindi ako nahihirapan mamili kung saan pupunta. Nakaya ko yun. Ginawa ko dati yon dahil kumikita naman na ako at I should reward myself. Yung parang strong independent person kumbaga. (chuckle)

L
Why not do it for now? Eventually magkakatime din tayo ulit and I think marami tayong kwento.

Tumawid sa second pedestrian Lane ang dalawa. May tumigil na taxi sa gilid, nag-aalok ng sakay.

C
Believe me I’m trying, pero everytime na uupo ako there’s a part of me that is looking for you. When I met you guys. I was really happy. Yung feeling na I was really part of something. We laughed, cried, tired, learned, chilled and got pissed off together. Narealize ko na kaya kong makipagkaibigan on my own, dati kasi nagiging friends ko lang yung ibang tao through my friends and minsan hindi ko pa nagiging friends talaga. Pero nagawa ko, on my own. I was open, I wasn’t afraid to answer anything… everything you asked. It felt good to be trusted. Kinda addicting.

L
————————

C
I’m not okay. Nafeel ko na before, actually nasabi ko na before na…I’m still a “superficial friend” I’m still outside the circle. Sabi sa akin, “hinde.” I fought off that thought, every time I felt it. Nilabanan ko. Only to find out these past few weeks na I was right. I should have trusted my feelings. I was right.

L
————————

C
I’m sorry ha. Alam ko na-assure mo na ako, and I have no reason to feel this way. And if I allow myself to feel this way, it implies I don’t believe you. Pero the circumstances are the opposite eh. Yung feeling na naiwan na ako.

L
———————–

Sakayan ng Jeep. Walang pila

Barker
Oh, isa na lang oh, Isa na lang sa kaliwa.

C
Sakay ka na.

L
Sure ka, Okay lang?

C
Oo, Okay lang, sakay na lang ako sa susunod.(sabay ngiti)

Nagbayad si L sa barker and sumakay sa jeep. Umupo sa pang – apat na space mula sa driver.

C
(Natatakot ako na someday, ako yung lumabas na “nag-give-up,” yung humiwalay, at nagbago. When I remember feeling like this for days, I know it wasn’t easy. When I said “You’ll always have a friend in me,” I will keep that promise. The only thing I’ll be giving up on, is the thought that I have a friend in you too.)

Nang makaalis ang jeep na sinakyan ni L. Tumawid muli si C. Naglakad ng kaunti sa Burnham. Nagpasya nang umuwi si C nang magsimulang umambon.

Sumakay ng Taxi si C.

Thank you for teaching me not to be afraid of losing people.
Reminding me, I shouldn’t invest too much on people.
Proving that I should always keep my mask on.
Showing me how repulsive being toxic is.
Prompting me to build my walls,
Never to break it down
for someone
else.

It was fun.
But I have to learn from it.
Even if, it’s excruciating to digest
Especially when I’m answering my own questions.
Deriving them from your silence,
your indifference.
Pitiful.

I’m starting to confuse genuine concern with pity.
General interaction as means to satiate curiosity
Saying goodbye with letting go.
permanent with temporary.
Solitude with isolation.
Truth with lies.

C
I’m okay.

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