We Set Sail.

Nights with eyes drowned by tears but with one deep breath, and an ear to listen…everything was all right.

There are times, it’s better to believe friends instead of what my mind creates. I felt cold and hateful as I allow distrust and paranoia to envelope my thoughts. Losing myself….losing my life.

I have to Accept the inevitability of change, and sail towards the uncertain future. Otherwise, I’ll drown hoping to relive the past, gasping for air as the waves of regret hits me and currents of attachment pulling me down.

Continue reading “We Set Sail.”

Stats

More than 7 Billion on Earth
More than 100 Million in PH
More than 1 Million in the City
More than 10,000 at my workplace
More than 1,000 co-employees
More than 500 colleages
More than 100 relatives
More than 50 acquaintances
More than 30 Friends
More than 20 crushes
Less than 15 close friends
7 cousins
3 grannies
2 parents
1 ex
1 best friend
0 sister
0 brother

I actually forgot the reason for this list. Perhaps, absorbed by counting with what I have or I just got lost…

Yes, lost.

Continue reading “Stats”

Jouska Quintus

Jouska – n. a hypothetical conversation that you compulsively play out in your head—a crisp analysis, a cathartic dialogue, a devastating comeback—which serves as a kind of psychological batting cage where you can connect more deeply with people than in the small ball of everyday life, which is a frustratingly cautious game of change-up pitches, sacrifice bunts, and intentional walks.

A: “The people who were there at my worst deserve me at my best.”

B: “They were not even there when you were at your worse.”

A: “So were you.”

Anong problema?

Actually wala.

Hindi mo naman kasalanan na nag-expect ako sa’yo at nadismaya ako.

I just got tired. Tired of not being chosen. Being the back-up or the last resort. I’m tired of being left. It may not be entirely true and I’m just working around my own assumption. But that’s how I felt.

And I used to be fine with that.

I just realized that I shouldn’t be. Thank you for showing it to me.

Continue reading “Anong problema?”

Note to Self

Halos dose oras na pagtulog.

Pag-gising mo nakatulala ka sa kisame ng iyong kwarto.

Iniisip kung
bakit ang bigat ng pakiramdam mo
bakit ka malungkot?
bakit kahit ipinakita mong malungkot ka walang lumapit sayo?
bakit walang naghahanap sayo?
bakit malaking bagay sayo ang hindi napapansin ng iba?
bakit parang binubulong sayo ng buong mundo na dapat lang na mag-isa ka?
bakit parang hindi ka mahalaga?
bakit pag sinubukan mong mawala, mas lalo ka lang madidismaya?

Nararamdaman mo tuloy na napakatoxic mong tao.

Continue reading “Note to Self”