Delayed

Akala ko by being strong in front of you was better, hiding the pain, not letting your troubles affect me and allowing them to pass were good for me. The sad truth was, I was only delaying it. The more I procrastinate, the more painful it becomes. However, it’s already irrelevant. The time I was suppose to feel them was long overdue.

Every once in awhile, it boils down to one moment. It is destabilizing. It hurts. And I have to feel it alone.

It is easier to say and advocate #SpeakUp than be the one to #ListenUp.

Yes like others, we don’t want to be like this. If it was as easy as making a choice, don’t you think we would have chosen not to be like this? We don’t like romanticizing sadness, death or negativity. But every once in awhile we become what you think of us…We are guilty of a little pleasure we get from it, not because of the sadness, misery and negativity, but because finally, someone can relate, can identify and can understand us.

It is the company we get. Not the sadness we cursed with, the pity we are thought of begging. It is the company.

That in this sadness we are not alone and somehow we find strength in that, enough to make us live through another day.

Advertisements

Crossing

EXTERNAL. Lower Session Road. Pedestrian Lane sa tapat ng PNB

Kakaturn lang ng stoplight to red. Napatingin si L kay C at napansin nitong ilang araw nang matamlay ito.

L
Okay ka lang?

C
Hinde.

L
Bakit?

C
Hindi ko lang maiwasan isipin yung araw na nagkakilala tayo.
Yung araw na nagsimula tayon maging friends.

L
Ang drama nito. Ano bang problema?

C
Hindi lang ako mapalagay.

L
Di ba sinabi ko naman sayo na okay tayo, we’re still friends naman.

Continue reading “Crossing”

On Murakami’s Books

A good friend, C, recommended the books of Haruki Murakami last Saturday….(actually,not really “recommended,” but he sneered when I said I haven’t read any of his books yet.) Knowing him, and our inclination to certain genre of literature, I trust his taste. So I did my research, Murakami’s works have recurring themes of alienation, loneliness and depression. Novels with disappointing, or frustrating ends.

That intrigued me though.

Anyway, I came across ThoughCatalog’s review and others as well. They love the books through its pain, frustration and negative feelings but all of them implied his books are not meant to be read more than once. Eventually, we have to outgrow them.

“It touches the continuous struggle of people against loneliness.”

Continue reading “On Murakami’s Books”

We Set Sail.

Nights with eyes drowned by tears but with one deep breath, and an ear to listen…everything was all right.

There are times, it’s better to believe friends instead of what my mind creates. I felt cold and hateful as I allow distrust and paranoia to envelope my thoughts. Losing myself….losing my life.

I have to Accept the inevitability of change, and sail towards the uncertain future. Otherwise, I’ll drown hoping to relive the past, gasping for air as the waves of regret hits me and currents of attachment pulling me down.

Continue reading “We Set Sail.”